Author Topic: Jokes and stories  (Read 124 times)

Avisitor

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Jokes and stories
« on: April 25, 2021, 10:56:33 PM »
Heard a joke and thought I would share
Please delete if inappropriate

So, a Jew, a Christian and a Buddhist go in a boat on a lake.
They go out about 30 feet and the Christian says he forgot his bag on the shore
He hops over the side and walks on the water to the shore
The Buddhist says he should go help the Christian
So, he jumps over the side and walks on the water to the shore
The Jew sees this and decides he would also go to the shore
So, he jumps over the side and goes deep into the water.
The Christian on the shore says to the Buddhist that
maybe they should have told the Jew where the pylons were in the water
The Buddhist responds by asking what pylons.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2021, 07:54:32 AM by Avisitor »

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2021, 08:05:42 AM »
There was a story about a Zen master teaching about what one does during practice. Our minds are like the water in the bucket. When disturbed with thoughts, it is difficult to see the reflection of the moon clearly. Forcing the water to become calm only makes the water more unable to reflect the moon light clearly. So, our minds needs to relax so it will settle. Then, the moon will become clear and sharp. The master points at the water in the bucket but asks us to see  beyond to the moon. There are three thing that can not be hidden forever. The sun, the moon and the truth. The truth of our nature.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2021, 02:33:04 AM by Avisitor »

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2021, 05:55:19 PM »
There was a farmer who had a horse.
One day his horse ran away.
The neighbors said, "Sorry to hear your horse run away."
The farmer replied, "Maybe so."
Then one day, the horse came back with three wild female horses
The neighbors said, "You are so lucky"
The farmer said, "Maybe so"

Then, the farmer's son tried to tame one of the new horses
Tried to ride one. But, the horse threw him off.
And the son broke his leg.
The neighbors said, "Sorry to hear your son broke his leg"
The farmer said, "Maybe so"

A few days later, government types came into the area looking for men to become soldiers.
They looked at the farmer's son and decide he can not become a good soldier. They leave.
The neighbors said, "You are so lucky that your son broke his leg so he does not have to become a soldier"
The farmer said, "Maybe so"

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2021, 06:01:13 PM »
One day a farmer finds his daughter is pregnant
And he and his wife question the daughter on who the father is.
She doesn't want to say. But after hours of questioning, she says the neighbor next door.
The couple go to the neighbor and demand he take care of the baby.
The man says, "Is that so"
When the baby is born, they bring the baby to him.
And tell him he must take care of the baby.
The man says, "Is that so"
After a few months, the daughter can no longer stand being separated from the baby.
She confesses on who is the real father and wants the baby back.
So, the couple and the daughter go to the man's house and ask for the baby.
The man says, "Is that so"
« Last Edit: May 07, 2021, 04:47:40 AM by Avisitor »

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2021, 06:51:14 PM »
One day, a scorpion sees a frog about to jump into the water and ask him to wait.
The scorpion ask if he can ride the frog across the water to see his family on the other side
The frog says no because he believes the scorpion will sting him and he will die
The scorpion says that he will not sting him. Because if he did then they both will die.
So, the frog agrees to carry the scorpion across the water.
When they are about mid way, the scorpion stings the frog.
The frog ask why because now they will both die.
The scorpion replies because it is in my nature

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2021, 08:49:04 PM »
There is a Christian, a Jew and a Buddhist waiting at an after life station
The guard there says that they must test each to see if they are worthy of entrance
The Jew steps up and the guard asks him how to spell Yahweh.
The Jew says "Y-A-H-W-E-H" and the guard says he can pass the gate
The Christian steps up and the guard asks him to spell Jesus.
The Christian says "J-E-S-U-S" and the guard says he can pass the gate
The Buddhist steps up and the guard asks him to spell Avalokiteshvara.

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2021, 08:59:39 PM »
Some time ago, traveling monks would go to a temple and have a Dharma battle.
If the monk won then he could get accommodations and stay a while.
So, one day, this monk goes to this temple to stay for the night.
The Abbot is busy so he sends his assistant to tend to the matter.
And, he says to do this one in silence.
His assistant is a rather tall man with only one good eye.
The monk and the assistant meet in the court yard.
The monk holds one finger up.
The assistant holds two fingers up.
The monk then holds up three fingers.
The assistant holds up his fist.
And then the monk bows and proceeds to the main door to exit.
The assistant is chasing after him.
When the Abbot sees the monk, he asks the monk what happened.
The monk says I put up one finger to say the nature of Buddha is one with the world
The assistant put up two fingers to point to the duality of nature.
Then the monk says he put up three fingers to represent the three Jewels (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha)
The assistant put up his fist to show they are all one.
The monk feels he lost. And this is why he is leaving.
When the Abbot sees his assistant, he asks him what happened.
The assistant says the monk was rude and put up one finger to show I have only one eye
So, I put up two finger to congratulate him on having two eyes.
The assistance says the monk then put up three fingers to show we have three eyes altogether
He angered me so much that I put up my fist.
Then he turned and left. I am following him to beat him up.

Note: This story is from long ago and did not remember it all
So, there has been edits to correct the story.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2021, 12:20:01 PM by Avisitor »

Chaz

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2021, 04:11:38 PM »
What's really cool about these stories , is that there's something for everyone.  One person gets one thing and another will get something else.

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2021, 06:53:52 AM »
The stories are all suppose to lead to the same thing. A clear head and right view. Using wisdom and compassion as guide posts in your life.
Each reader may pick out what they seek. And what they seek, they will find. The saying goes, when one is a hammer then the world looks like nails. You will find what you seek cause you seek it.

One day a monk went to a monastery to see what goes on inside the walls
There he saw three men go into a chamber and started meditating
The monk asked what they were doing.
They said they were practicing meditation to become enlightened.
At those words, he picked up a roof tile and began rubbing it on the ground.
The three men asked what the monk was doing
The monk replied, if you can meditate and become enlightened
Then this roof tile can be polished into a mirror

So, why does one meditate? Or do Zazen??

In Japan, someone asked the monk if a dog has Buddha nature.
The monk replied "MU".
« Last Edit: May 05, 2021, 03:19:08 PM by Avisitor »

Avisitor

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Re: Jokes and stories
« Reply #9 on: May 06, 2021, 06:52:11 AM »
One day there was a woman who had just lost her baby to a disease
She held the dead baby in her arms crying and asked for help to bring the baby back to life
Pleading with anyone who was near enough to hear her cries.
Walking through the streets. Holding her baby. Crying.
Everyone dismissed her crying. Finally she ended up at the monastery.
She sought help. The monks could not help her.
The abbot came out and saw this crying woman. He asked what was wrong.
She told him her baby was dead. She needed help to bring him back to life.
The abbot seeing with compassion and wisdom. Answered the woman.
Saying he could help her but she must first go to the next village
and get mustard seeds from every house that has not had a death.
Finally, she felt that someone heard her cries for help.
Leaving the dead baby with the abbot, she went off to gather the seeds.
When she came back that night, her pockets and hands were empty.
Not one house did not have a death. She realized that death hits everyone.
She took her baby back, cried and buried it.

Have heard this story many times. I am sorry if I did not tell this one correctly.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2021, 05:19:02 AM by Avisitor »